quot;Listen to t; My friend Oscar put a record on turntable and set do doo-;Eart; by t;Geequot; by t back on t t  singing tenor and so on t on a ne terpoint, cocking o tening to  eclectic record collection, analyzing and arguing over tle points of tions. Oscar Loves passion for music put my ambitions to s;te Negro,quot; as  of time. Oscar  my mot person I approac forming a band.

    Oscar stuck s beginning as ts, tly, simply unately,  keep toget a time: Our first drummer dropped out of ed in t guitarist moved ao Davenport, Io of t because t cut it as musicians. Only Oscar and  persisted. e stayed togeto  at a club. Discriminating by ear and not by any preconceived notion of cool, we could play any kind of music for any crowd.

    After a jazz performance  mood. e t summer nig of my parents s, and t song underscored tars and a ted t out and sat on t into t ing t to end.

    quot;Man, ; ;e slayed t guy ;

    quot;Im bout , man.quot;

    quot;O;

    quot;Youre not bad yourself.quot; I co stop skidding off t did not quite reacime to a tune in my te aser  it, and into t sky s predecessor.

    quot;o play, Day? I mean, youre still a kid. Only fifteen, rig;

    quot;Practice, man, practice.quot;

    looking at tars and turned to face me. quot;You can practice all you . Practice dont give you soul.quot;

    quot;Ive been taking lessons for t fey. itin  makes it easier to understand t all.quot;

    quot;I can dig t.quot; te, and I took a deep drag, knoh marijuana.

    quot;But sometimes I feel like Im being torn in t me to keep going to lessons in. You kno.quot;

    quot;Like Liberace.quot; Oscar giggled.

    quot;S up.quot;

    quot;Fairy.quot;

    quot;S up.quot; I punche shoulder.

    quot;Easy, man.quot; ;You could do it, tever you . Im good, but youre out of t it all your life or you  ;

    Maybe t, or maybe it ion of t, t-performance  t Oscar  true friend. Or maybe I o tell someone, anyone.

    quot;Ive got a confession, Oscar. Im not  all, but a  lived in time.quot;

    ream of smoke poured out of rils.

    quot;Seriously, man, ole to c nobody kno it comes back to me in bits and pieces. And I played piano time ago, until tole me. And no t, but its like Im part   s tion.quot;

    quot;ts pretty good, man. So w;

    quot;Out in t imes. But probably  in t;

    quot;Like c no; o t; you?quot;

    quot;S up, man. Its possible. But t muc;

    quot;ts?quot;

    quot;ts w;

    quot;;

    quot;Used to be t  people stopped believing in mytales.quot;

    quot;But c noing to get o get you?quot; And  quickly and snatched my ankle.

    I screamed, embarrassed to be fooled by suc me. quot;Youve been coo many ;

    quot;No, trut; I socked he arm.

    quot;And t?quot;

    I ed to punc tory sounded, and I started laugoo. If  nig all, Oscar never again brougter, and maybe  I y after trutold. My impersonation of  no one suspected tory. Even my fatural skeptic, believed in me, or at least kept s hidden deep in his soul.

    t as a cave. Upstairs everyone slept soundly. I turned on tc and poured a drink of er. Attracted to tness, mot tcurned off ts, and tened for footsteps among trees, but notirred. I crept upstairs to cers.

    en feared t Mary and Elizabetcricks and deceptions, and also knerike times. Not far from ory goes, back in tolen and replaced by c age seven, until t all, only simulacra, and pity ts ers ible, and I celltale cain detac from life—t ch.

    I o stay out of t;Dangerous snakes and bears and s  near our patc talk to strangers.  to play,quot; Id ask, quot;eresting on television?quot;

    quot;But I like exploring,quot; Elizabeth said.

    quot;; Mary added.

    quot;Did you ever see a timber rattler? ell, I er moccasins. One bite and youre paralyzed, your limbs go black, trun or outclimb a bear? trees better ts, and t t;

    quot;I never get to see anyt; Elizabeth cried.

    quot; kno; Mary asked.

    quot;Its out trip and fall over an old log and break your leg and nobody  find your o door, and t morning, frozen like a Popsicle, not ten feet from ;

    quot;Enoug; ted in unison and  off to c ains on ttoms, ticks on th.

    But t nigs snored. My fat my name in  I dared not ans suce ernaturally still. I old my darkest secret  to bed, safe as ever.

    t one never forgets ones first love, but I am co admit t I do not remember   t s girl I saory, Ill call  actually o Oscar, I resumed my lessons in, and ted at turned a different creature— someone to be desired, a fetisy of anonymous lust as anyone, but it efully accepted  pause. I icing o speak to me at ter recital. e stood togetage in our formal  for our individual turns at t kids  first, for agony is best served as an appetizer.

    quot;o play?quot; Sally w.

    quot;Rigin.quot;

    quot;You play out of t; S inspired recital. In t follo to knoening to me play tin ; e arranged to ogeturdays. Over sand t days lessons. I usually  from performances, so o a sop for an ice cream or a soda. Our conversations centered around ts fifteen-year-olds talk about: scs, and, in our case, talked about music: composers, Mr. Martin, records, ties of jazz s of nattering t  a conversation, more like a monologue. I did not knoen, o dra and enjoy her company. She may well have been a lovely person.

    o  up took a stroll to ts resemblance to t. But t seemed perfectly romantic. ty urned on tain, anot by ters edge, cime. I did not knoed to do, o ask, o say, in o broac. Sally saved me.

    quot;; save. quot;aking o t time, Ive ;

    quot;Of course I do.quot;

    quot;If you like me, like you say, ry to ;

    I took  in ion in her palm.

    quot;And ried to kiss me?quot;

    For t time, I stared raigrying to express some metapion. Not kno no o remember tion. Sined ed reaction, and I copied  a riddle percolated t to do next. it o catcreetcar, ting tupidly staring into eaco meet my fatook apart my emotions. ;lovedquot; my family by t in my ;lovedquot; a stranger. Its voluntary and a tremendous risk. tion is furtter of lust. I counted turdays, anxious to see her.

    took tiative. er, s on , and tered at my touced everyt to nibble ears, oget knoter, if s all. No ever ed t I feign an illness to get out of Mr. Martins class, I gladly complied.

    e rode treetcar to s o  sunsarted to s, but Sally, easing t I could not keep up. iny perco ts o try.

    quot;e o ourselves. ould you like a lemonade?quot;

    S as  on t on ; ed. I heard a crash of cymbals in my minds ear.

    quot; you come sit beside me, ;

    Obedient pup, I trotted over ail and lolling tongue. Our fingers interlocked. I smiled. Somacriggered a pent-up primal urge. I circled my .

    quot;oo muc; Sally panted and fanned tering erpreted her signals?

    Sally undressed so quickly t I almost failed to notice transition. As if puston, off came , slip, socks, and under, sifically. I did love ures in ttie Page pinups and Frenccards, but images lack breadt isnt life. Part of me pulled fore to lay my  ty ook a step in ion.

    quot;No, no, no. Ive so s;

    Not since a young boy at taken off my clot of anyone else, mucranger, and I  t. But it is o refuse ripped, time cciced t sriangle of  tcely bare.  tion o ts, and a look of   of  her, deeply perplexed.

    quot;O; s;you look like a little boy.quot;

    I covered up.

    quot;ts t one Ive ever seen.quot;

    I angrily retrieved my clothe floor.

    quot;Im sorry but you look like my eig; Sally began to pick up ; be mad.quot;

    But I  so muc  myself. I kne s I ten. In most respects, I appeared all of fifteen, but I ed one of tant parts. As I dressed, ed, I t of all t feeet of my moutretco groo adolescence. But I ten about puberty. So stay, apologized for laug me, even saying at one point t size didnt matter, t it ually kind of cute, but noto  for t basic greetings. Solen a afternoon.

    Stretcuation, but ted consequences. t ion t typically ended in t, more interestingly, I found t by imagining Sally or any ots  t t, baseball, arpeggios—I could postpone, or avoid altoget. tcome is someing to report. Maybe because to annoy  into my room and caug, red-o speak, altely under cover. ohe ceiling.

    quot; are you doing?quot;

    I stopped. t explanation, w reveal.

    quot;Dont t kno;

    Knoed to ask.

    quot;You  it.quot;

    I blinked my eyes.

    t time. Farsigance —all ually disappeared, and my ability to manipulate my appearance eriorated. More and more, I ed to be, but instead of rejoicing in tuation, I sagged into ttress, s. I puncortured t to get comfortable. Any ion. In pleasures place, a ragged loneliness ebbed. I felt stuck in a never-ending co living under trol, a dozen suspicious sco, I o mark time and take my turn as a c ty of adolescence, ts could be endless.

    Several er, I  and to to let in tted out on t, tte, and picked out taring into ting for someto spring out from trees. urned to come back inside, Dad looked up at my room and sac  it.