My fato be t to replace my mot at table y since ss.
quot;S; said my fat;But before it could come out of greoo big and burst. It must ;
tor said s t like a rabbit: quickly and beo t meeting of the Joy Luck Club.
t;Auntie Lin cooked red bean soup for Joy Luck. Im going to cook black sesame-seed soup.quot;
quot;Dont s; I said.
quot;Its not s; S tong, not t all. It means tter entions. I can never remember t understand in t place.
My motarted t Ciff leatrunk filled only ime to pack anyto my fater t. Still ically betton ss and s.
il ty gave y Cs, my parents could not refuse tation to join tical advice to improve tudy class on ednesday niger, tice on Saturday mornings. ts met t. Clairs. My mot tragedies t be begin to express in t least, my motold the Joy Luck Club.
Joy Luck marriage in Ks ory sell me te after anot to disturb ake out a box of old ski sers sent to us by unseen relatives from Vancouver. Stom of a ser and pull out a kinky t to a piece of cardboard. And as so roll art ory. Over told me tory, except for ting long so ually into mine.
quot;I dreamed about K,quot; my mot;I dreamed of jagged peaks lining a curving river, tops of te mists. And if you could float do trong enougo climb to a bed of soft moss and laugop, you o see everyt would be enougo never have worries in your life ever again.
quot;In C Kime. t fried fisrying to jump out of a vat of oil. Be a little and trous eleps marco t of t caves. Inside greurnips, and onions. trange and beautiful you cant ever imagine them.
quot;But I didnt come to Ko see iful it me and our to Ker us doory off to t, to Chungking.
quot;e kne. Every day, every o ty, croo live. t, est, Nortonese, nort just C foreigners and missionaries of every religion. And tang and t top level to everyone else.
quot;e y of leftovers mixed toget been for ty of reason for figo break out among t people. Can you see it? Ser peasants, bankers didnt matter t everybody so spit on and suffered t-moving diarrink, but everybody complained someone else smelled t. Me? Oed to make my face turn red. But t s o ty diseases.
quot;So you can see its beauty for me. I no longer climbed to say, in ting . to and scurried to to you cant stay in tarts to fade and you become like a starving person, crazy-. Outside I could urnips of t migop of me. Can you imagine is, to to be neitside, to to be nowhere and disappear?
quot;So tens scratco ty. And alo find t t been torn apart.
quot;I t up Joy Luck on a summer nig ed to t. Every place o my second-story ink o go but into my nose. At all and day, I kno slitting t of a runaing a for lying in go to to find out. use s o do to help me move.
quot;My idea o able. I kneo ask. ttle money. And t sty and pleasant and o an old man er life.
quot;Eac a party to raise money and to raise our spirits. tess o serve special dyansyin foods to bring good fortune of all kinds—dumplings ss, long rice noodles for long life, boiled peanuts for conceiving sons, and of course, many good-luck oranges for a plentiful, s life.
quot; fine food reated ourselves to notice t tuffed mostly ringy squas tted e sparingly, not as if to protest eat anote, he lucky ones.
quot;After filling our stomac it table. My table red . table able tiles her.
quot;Once arted to play, nobody could speak, except to say Pung! or Caking a tile. e o play adding to our after sixteen rounds, , time to celebrate our good fortune. And talk into t until tories about good times in t and good times yet to come.
quot;O good stories! Stories spilling out all over t laugo deater t ran into top of dinner bo ly in pieces t day! And one about a girl ters for toilet to her.
quot;People t o serve banquets every arving, eating rats and, later, t t rats used to feed on. Ot o celebrate ions, unes, and ed, er, daugher. hnnnh! how could we laugh, people asked.
quot;Its not t o despair o o prolong t of a burned do? eleparving dogs running doreets o sit and for our oo choose our own happiness?
quot;So o ies and pretend eac past o us. e alloo t. e feasted, old t stories. And eaco be lucky. t s o call our little parties Joy Luck.quot;
My moto end tory on a e, bragging about t;I imes and eased t I rick of a clever t; s;I ens of t I ricoilet paper made us laugo te even good enougo rub on our bottoms.quot;
I never t my motory a Cale. times s e to buy a urned t rice into a pot of porridge. Sraded t gruel for t from a pig. t became six eggs, tory always grew and grew.
And ter I o buy me a transistor radio, after s;; And told me a completely different ending to tory.
quot;An army officer came to my ; s;and told me to go quickly to my elling me to run arains leaving Keal a her friends.
quot;I packed my to to Co Ker from people running past me. It errible. Up to t day, tang insisted t Kected by t later t day, treets of Kreing great Kuomintang victories, and on top of tc tead. er and faster, asking myself at eacep, ere they brave?
quot;I pusoo cry. I tied scarves into slings and put a baby on eacil deep grooves greo bleed and became too slippery to o anything.
quot;Along t reasures t gres of fine fabric and books. Paintings of ancestors and carpenter tools. Until one could see cages of ducklings no and, later still, silver urns lying in too tired to carry ture ime I arrived in C everyt for top of t;
quot; do you mean by everyt; I gasped at tunned to realize tory rue all along. quot; o t;
S even pause to t made it clear to tory: quot;Your fat my first t;
ting tonig person I see is my fat;time!quot; s true. Everybodys already ies and seventies. t me, alardy, a cill at ty-six.
Im srying to time I sa t old me t my mot old my moted and said, quot;You dont even knotle percent of me! ; And s. Joy Luck?
quot;Auntie, Uncle,quot; I say repeatedly, nodding to eacie and Uncle. And tand next to my father.
tures from t Crip. quot;Look at t,quot; ely, pointing to a po of tour group standing on eps. ture t s aken in Cy for t matter. But my fat seem to be looking at ture anys as to ands out. ely indifferent. But means indifferent because you cant see any differences? ts roubled I th.
quot;ill you look at t,quot; ing to anot picture.
too many Coo small kitcoo many once fragrant smells compressed onto a to go into otaurants and ickiness ;
I been to t tly t. ie An-mei and Uncle George moved to t district from Coy-five years ago, t neure. Its all till looking mostly neic. turquoise coucables made out of on, changes every year.
I remember tuff, because let us toucure except tic coverings. On Joy Luck nigs brougo t, I o take care of all t seemed as if ts able leg.
quot;You are responsible,quot; said my mot I rouble if anyt, broken, or dirty. I ter and-up collars and blooming brancs. too fancy for real C, and too strange for American parties. In told me ory, I imagined Joy Luck gatom-tom dances of tV Indians preparing for war.
But tonigery. ties are all versions of sturdy able under a lamp t looks like a Spaniss on arts ting by reading tes:
quot;Our capital account is $24,825, or about $6,206 a couple, $3,103 per person. e sold Subaru for a loss at six and ters. e bougernational at seven. Our to Lindo and tin Jong for ting o be canceled until furtice. e o o bid a fond fareo our dear friend Suyuan and extended our sympato tfully submitted, George and secretary.quot;
ts it. I keep tart talking about my mot, to be t day in Kweilin.
But everybody just nods to approve tes. Even my fatinely. And it seems to me my mothers life has been shelved for new business.
Auntie An-mei able and moves sloo tco prepare tie Lin, my mot friend, moves to turquoise sofa, crosses cill seated at table. Auntie Ying, ing bag and pulls out tart of a tiny blue ser.
to talk about stocks terested in buying. Uncle Jack, mines gold in Canada.
quot;Its a great ion,quot; y. Englis accentless. I t, but s . Sly blurred .
quot;erent o play maonig; I ie Ying, wly deaf.
quot;Later,quot; s;after midnig;
quot;Ladies, are you at ting or not?quot; says Uncle George. After everybody votes unanimously for tock, I go into tco ask Auntie An-mei ed investing in stocks.
quot;e used to play maake all. But t; suffing on, one cick jab of gingery meat dabbed onto a turn seals to tiny nurses cap. quot;You cant ime ago, o invest in tock market. t. Even your mot;
Auntie An-mei takes count of tray in front of on eac;Forty on, eigen eac; so inues stuffing. quot;e got smart. No luck. And ake all. Losers take overs! So everyone can -;
I cie An-mei make more on. S fingers. S o t o complain about, t Auntie An-mei never t about w she was doing.
quot;S stupid,quot; said my mot;but s o te and ask for papers for your brot ed to drop t later salked to someone. person told rouble in C person said FBI and give rouble in t of person said, You ask for a . I said, You already still she was scared.
quot;Aunti An-mei runs t,quot; said my mot;and s know w;
As I cie An-mei, I see a s bent tened soft fingertips of an old ie An-mei did to inspire a lifelong stream of criticism from my mot seemed my mot in balance. t oo muc, not enougher.
ts ry. Eacs, sold me.
too mucemper. t icized for te and ss to y t let my mother speak her mind.
too little too quickly to listen to oto stand on your oie An-mei.
too mucer and you flooo many directions, like myself, for arted , and t off to ary, later becoming a copyer.
I used to dismiss icisms as just more of itions, beliefs t conveniently fit tances. In my ties, roduction to Psycried to tell criticize so muc didnt lead to a .
quot;t,quot; I said, quot;t parents s criticize cead. You knoo otations. And just means youre expecting failure.quot;
quot;ts trouble,quot; my mot;You never rise. Lazy to get up. Lazy to rise to expectations.quot;
quot;time to eat,quot; Auntie An-mei a steaming pot of ton s able, served buffet style, just like at ts. My fato till sits in an oversize aluminum pan surrounded by little plastic packets of soy sauce. Auntie An-mei must t Street. ton soup smells e sprigs of cilantro floating on top. Im dra to a large platter of c barbecued pork cut into coin-sized slices, and to a of ries filled uffings t my moto describe as quot;nutritious t;
Eating is not a gracious event s as tarving. to t more pieces of pork, one riger t like tain detached delicacy.
And t as quickly as tarted, t up and leave table. As if on cue, t last morsels and tes and boo tcake turns ed tual? I too put my plate in talking about trip, toment. e pass anot used to be tery ladders are still ted at table. Uncle George is dealing out cards, fast, as tec Pall Mall cigarettes, h one already dangling from his lips.
And t to to play in t for t feels t soon ical narroe c translucent. Rose and I used to pluck t our boy problems. Everyt nos in ter. And next to it is a floor lamp, a long black pole ligtac.
Nobody says to me, quot;Sit o sit.quot; But I can tell even before everyone sits do to tiness to it. But t really o do s able. it ell me, I kno.
t is ion from whe wind comes from.
Auntie An-mei, , spills tiles onto t tabletop and to me, quot;No; e sion. to one another.
quot;Do you ; asks Auntie Lin across from me. S smiling.
quot;I only played a little in college ;
quot;Ann; sed tones. quot;Not t; t my moto say, altly why.
quot;Maybe I s play tonig c; I offer.
Auntie Lin looks exasperated, as t; table ie Yings o join. Your fats decided.quot;
quot;s t tell by or just titude toward Chinese and Jewish people.
quot;Entirely different kind of playing,quot; sion voice. quot;Je;
tco C;C play using your ricky. You must c everybody else t in your rategy. Youre just cakes.quot;
tions made me feel my mot languages, o her in English, she answered back in Chinese.
quot;So ie Lin.
quot;Aii-ya,quot; s;Your mot teac;
Auntie Ying pats my ;You a smart girl. You cack tiles and make four ;
I folloie Ying, but mostly I cie Lin. Sest, c s. Auntie Ying told t Auntie Lin o play. Auntie Ying is tie An-mei is t. And tart taking tiles, ting back on to t number of spots iles, sequences of bamboo and balls, doubles of colored number tiles, odd tiles t do not fit anywhere.
quot;Your mot, like a pro,quot; says Auntie An-mei wing iles, considering each piece carefully.
Noo play, looking at our ing tiles, picking up ot an easy, comfortable pace. ties begin to make small talk, not really listening to eac. Auntie Ying mentions s yarn at in tie An-mei brags about a ser ser Rut;S it ore-boug; she says proudly.
Auntie Lin explains at a store clerk urn a skirt ;I ;mad to deat;
quot;But Lindo, you are still die,quot; teases Auntie Ying, and tie Lin says Pung! and Mailes out, laug Auntie Ying art gro. Im getting bored and sleepy.
quot;Oory,quot; says Auntie Ying loudly, startling everybody. Auntie Ying ie, someone lost in o say, quot;Auntie Ying is not ening.quot;
quot;Police arrested Mrs. Emersons son last ; Auntie Ying says in a sounds as if so be t ;Mrs. Cold me at coo many tV set found in ;
Auntie Lin quickly says, quot;Aii-ya, Mrs. Emerson good lady,quot; meaning Mrs. Emerson didnt deserve sucerrible son. But no of Auntie An-mei, ed tolen car stereos. Auntie An-mei is rubbing ile carefully before discarding it. She looks pained.
quot;Everybody Vs in C; says Auntie Lin, c. quot;Our family tV sets—not just black-and- color and remote! t o visit t give it to us, but I t.quot;
Poor Auntie An-mei rubs iles ever elling me about trip to Cie An-mei o spend on cases. One s amp; Ced casant ce ure marsold me tained t ridiculous clot California-style beacton pants ic s, bomber jackets, Stanford sss, crew socks.
My motold ;s t money.quot; But Auntie An-mei said ook to Cour finally arrived in o meet t just Auntie An-meis little brot also epbrotepsisters, and a distant cousin, and t cousins t lucky enougo ives to show off.
As my motold it, quot;Auntie An-mei for C standards. But everyone and s y ;
My moted tss, tcases ied, tives asked .
Auntie An-mei and Uncle George for tVs and refrigerators but also for a nigy-six people in tel, for t tables at a restaurant t catered to rics for eacive, and finally, for a loan of five to a cousins so-called uncle o buy a motorcycle but rain pulled out of day, ted of some nine ter, after an inspiring Cmastime service at t Cist Cie An-mei tried to recoup truly o give to receive, and my motime friend least several lifetimes.
Listening noo Auntie Lin bragging about tues of Auntie Lin is oblivious to Auntie An-meis pain. Is Auntie Lin being mean, or is it t my motold anybody but me tory of Auntie An-meis greedy family?
quot;So, Jing-mei, you go to sc; says Auntie Lin.
quot;; says Auntie Ying.
quot;ts okay,quot; I say, and I really mean it. In fact, its even becoming faso use their Chinese names.
quot;Im not in sc; I say. quot;t en years ago.quot;
Auntie Lins eyebroer,quot; s I kno about my being a failure, a quot;college drop-off,quot; about my going back to finish.
Once again I old my mot sed to ;Youre rigo it.quot;
I anding about t s really mean I I ry to respect listening to Auntie Lin tonigood one anotranslated eaco ie Lin I o sco get a doctorate.
Auntie Lin and my mot friends and arc a lifetime comparing tie Lins prized daugime tons, er, averly playing crop monted ies sed.
I knoed listening to Auntie Lin talk about averly first my motried to cultivate some ired piano teaco practice on in exco become a concert pianist, or even an accompanist for t I e-blooming, like Einstein, arded until he discovered a bomb.
No is Auntie Ying s and begin again.
quot;Did you knoo oodside?quot; asks Auntie Ying tiles, talking to no one in particular. Sries for some modesty. quot;Of course, its not best million-dollar yet. But its good investment. Better t. Better tting you under to rub you out.quot;
So noie Yings daugold my being evicted from my apartment on loious about telling eacoo mucill, tle o one anoten comes back in anots talking in circles.
quot;Its getting late,quot; I say after to stand up, but Auntie Lin puso the chair.
quot;Stay, stay. e talk ao kno; s;Been a long time.quot;
I knoe gesture on ties part—a protest as eager to see me go as I am to leave. quot;No, I really must go no; I say, glad I remembered ense goes.
quot;But you must stay! e ant to tell you, from your mot; Auntie Ying blurts out in oo-loud voice. table, as if t ended to break some sort of bad neo me.
I sit doie An-mei leaves turns s, tly ss t, as if nobody knew wo begin.
It is Auntie Ying ant t on ; sing Engliso speak in Cly.
quot;Your motrong s o find ers in C;
t ters. And no t of to be reclaimed. Somebody took t me forever, gone back to Co get tie Yings voice.
quot;Sten letters back and fort; says Auntie Ying. quot;And last year s an address. So tell your fat a sime of ing.quot;
Auntie An-mei interrupts ed voice: quot;So your aunties and I, e to t; s;e say t a certain party, your mot to meet anotain party. And ty e back to us. ters, Jing-mei.quot;
My sisters, I repeat to myself, saying toget time.
Auntie An-mei is of paper as tissue. In perfectly straigical roten in blue fountain-pen ink. A ear? I take tter my sisters must be to be able to read and e Chinese.
ties are all smiling at me, as tie Ying is to June oo for $1,200. I cant believe it.
quot;My sisters are sending me money?quot; I ask.
quot;No, no,quot; says Auntie Lin ed voice. quot;Every year fancy restaurant. Most times your mot is a little, so you can go ake a train to Sers. Besides, ting too ricoo fat.quot; ss omach for proof.
quot;See my sisters,quot; I say numbly. I am a, trying to imagine lie my aunties old to mask ty. I am crying noime, seeing but not understanding ty to my mother.
quot;You must see your sisters and tell t your mot; says Auntie Ying. quot;But most important, you must tell t kno no;
quot;See my sisters, tell t my mot; I say, nodding. quot; ell t my mot kno;
ties are looking at me as if I before their eyes.
quot;Not kno; cries Auntie An-mei ;;
quot;tell tories of your family ; offers Auntie Lin.
quot;tell tories sold you, lessons saug you kno ; says Auntie Ying. quot;You mot lady.quot;
I ;tell tell t; as eacie frantically tries to t should be passed on.
quot;;
quot;ness.quot;
quot;iful nature to family.quot;
quot; matter to ;
quot;t dis;
quot;Imagine, a daug knowing ;
And t occurs to me. tened. In me, ters, just as ignorant, just as unmindful of all trut to America. ters mean to ters, t to t;joy luckquot; is not a does not exist. ters ing ion to generation.
quot;I ell t; I say simply, and ties look at me ful faces.
quot;I ell t; I say more firmly. And gradually, one by one, t my ill look troubled, as if somet of balance. But t rue. more can t more can I promise?
to eating t boiled peanuts, saying stories among times in t and good times yet to come. A broter cry urns nine terest. A youngest son V repair business is so good overs to Cer . the lucky ones.
And I am sitting at my mot table, on t, whings begin.